During this holiday season, I had the pleasure of going to Cherry Hill Mall and Deptford Mall, both located in New Jersey. I saw some very interesting sights. A few in particular were the animated shenanigans of little people between the ages of 2 and 16, reducing their adult parents to sniveling little pieces of flesh. From
temper-tantrums to down right disrespect, children where showing their parents who were in charge. And, obviously, it wasn’t the parents.

What is going on? It is this strange era in this new generation that seem to think regardless that they have not been breathing but a minute on this earth, their parents, or any adult for that matter, will not tell them what to do. And, too may parents allow their children to dictate what they will and will not tolerate. They give their children too many choices, without teaching that with every choice there is causality. Absurd! Worst of all, parents are afraid to be firm for fear that their child will not like them, or that their kids will not see them the parent as their friend. When the heck did parents become friends with their children? Why the hell would you want too?

I can remember growing up I got my behind tore up! I remember being on punishment and when I got the “look” I knew to shut up and sit down. I was not able to participate in adult conversation, as I was a child and should stay in a child’s place. Now, kids call their parents bitches, tell them to go to hell, and will make all types of threats if their parents tell them no. Or they are participating in explicit adult conversation with their parents and their parent’s friends. I’ve seen too many parents ignore these outbursts and intrusions, or shrug them off as just kids being kids and expressing themselves. I expressed myself growing up, but I never disrespected my parents or any adult. I knew better and I knew my place! Likewise, if another adult disciplined me or had something to say, I was not allowed to say anything back. Now, I could tell my parents and they handled it, if the situation warranted so, but never was I to raise my voice, hand or give any adult an attitude.

As a parent, if your child is breaking the rules, disrespecting you, acting out then you have a right to discipline them. No child ever died for a swift swat on their butt! No child ever lost their mind and become criminals because you washed their mouths out with soap because they cursing and swearing, or took away their Game Boy or Xbox. And, you are not a bad parent for not sparing the rod. There is a big difference between abuse and discipline. And too many psychologists are trying to say there isn’t. I, as a budding therapist, totally disagree. Granted, if you feel that upset where you can harm your child, you need to remove yourself until you are calm. No parent has the right to be abusive, and that I totally understand and agree. But, if your child is in the middle of JC Penny’s acting a fool because you told them “no,” then you need to handle your business as a parent!

Also, stop trying to be your child’s friend. Friends are on the same level. You cannot be a parent and also your child’s friend. Do the really listen to their friends as they do you? Do you hang out where they hang out? (If you do, well, that’s another issue for discussion in another article.) Why are you trying to get your child to like you? Why the heck do you care? You child should respect you, and they will if you stand your ground as a parent, provide the structure necessary for them to be respectable adults. Now, if you can have a “friendly” relationship with your child that is great. But you should always maintain parental boundaries and know that your child is not your equal.

There is a lot of so-called research out there that states, hitting teaches hitting. Well, guess what, kids will learn to hit from a Bugs Bunny Cartoon, Pokemon, or even a videogame. Kids will hit and fight. I understand that we are supposed to be more civilized than that, but people are people and sometimes, it takes knuckling up to get your point across. I find it ironic that we as a nation can go out a bomb other nations, fight in wars and send our kids out to battle to maim and kill others, but we as parents are not supposed to spank our child for fear it will make them violent. Furthermore, if your child breaks the law, how much do you want to bet that the police will say it was a necessary force to hit our children with a club, or beat them mercilessly before locking them up in jail because the disobeyed societal or legislative rules.

The little that I saw during the holiday season was nothing. I also witnessed it when I went school supply shopping for my sons. The way these kids treat and talk to their parents is just sad. But, I blame the parents, the media and even the field of psychology (which I love dearly). Parents, because we are beginning to loose sight on what our role and rule is towards our kids; the media because they teach our kids that they have choices with out teaching them there are consequences for your actions (and we also know “some folks” have the ability to bend the choices and the rules for their own gain then others); and the field of psychology because they are making parents fearful for taking control and disciplining their children.
Again, I do not advocate abuse of any kind. And, if you think you are that angry, that is not the time to discipline your child. But, time out is bull and does not work for all kids. Some kids need to know you are serious and that you will follow through with a firm hand on their behind to make your message clear. Many of us are products of an era that know this experience too well. And, we are here to tell about it and, from what I see and know we are productive and model citizens.
Don’t be afraid to be a parent, your child may not like it now, but they will appreciate it and you later for standing firm and providing them the value, structure and “consequences.”
Until we meet again, be continually blessed!

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MOTIVATION FOR THE MONTH:
Better is a man of humble standing who works for himself than one who plays the great man but lacks bread. -- Proverbs 12:9